3 Ways to Foster Healthy Boundaries in Support of Teacher-Student Relationships

We all know that relationships are powerful tools to support learning. The thing is, it's difficult to strike the balance between being passive and being compassionate. How do you build relationships without crossing boundaries while still holding students accountable? Read on to learn how to strike a balance between being closed off and being too lenient...or worse, crossing a line. 

Clear boundaries help students trust you. However, setting boundaries can be tricky. How do you do it without conceding to students or pushing them away? Below, I share three tips to help you get boundaries right. A main facet underlying the three tips is consistency. Strive for consistency and you'll ensure that you are predictable to students...trust and boundaries will follow. 
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1. Get to Know Your Students: If this sounds like a no brainer, that's okay...hear me out! It is obvious that we should get to know what our students' interests are and what's important to them outside of school. When to learn this stuff is not so clear. Make sure to set a time of the day when it's appropriate to have casual conversations with students, especially those affected by trauma. Think about when you have some downtime and you're interacting with students. It's important to be on task and productive throughout the school day, but sometimes a casual conversation is more important than the content you need to teach. Be sure to make it very clear when it's appropriate to have such conversations. Some students will try to distract you during class. If students try to sidetrack you, let them know you would love to connect with them later...Then Follow Up! Gaining trust requires you to do what you say you're going to do. That is, if you tell a student you will talk with them later about something, initiate that conversation when it's appropriate. If you need to write something down to remind yourself of exactly what they brought up, do it. Remembering to follow up will show them that you care about their lives.
2. Let Them Get To Know You: Write up a list of what makes you unique. What are things that set you apart, interest you, and occupy your free time? Comb that list and figure out what you can share with your students without crossing a line. When you share with them about yourself, they will see you more as human and less as a talking head at the front of the room. When you share information about yourself, it will feel a lot more satisfying for students if you make sure to ask them about themselves in the same conversation. In the end, people love to talk about themselves so make sure to balance the conversation. Those tidbits about you can be a novelty, shared when it's appropriate, so students sense that you trust them with a little bit of personal information. 
3. Use Rules to Maintain Boundaries: Some situations with some students might make it tempting to bend the rules. Here's the thing...if you're not going to bend the rule for everyone, do not bend the rule for anyone. To the extent possible, enforce all rules the same for all students. In other words, avoid exceptions for certain students or certain situations. If you do make exceptions to the rules, it will undermine your authority to uphold rules at other times. Doing so makes you less predictable, meaning students will try to make you bend the rules and test your limits. This is especially true for trauma-affected youth who may have underdeveloped self-regulation. If they know you're holding strong on everything with everyone (or that changing your interpretation of a rule applies the same for everyone), they will be a lot less likely to push your limits. Also, when you are consistent across the board, they will listen when you set a limit. 

Conclusion: Getting to know students in an appropriate way helps you to establish social boundaries. It models appropriate social interactions for trauma-affected youth. In addition, when you are consistent in your interpretations and enforcement of all rules, you gain students' trust. When they trust you, they are more likely to take risks in your class and make gains academically.

​How will you establish boundaries to support student learning? 

Check out the video that inspired this post! 
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